For two weeks, I’ve been struggling with my new normal. I have felt as if God robbed me. Cheated me if you will. My question: “Why give me a talent to teach if He were only going to take it away?”
In the early morning hours, I am filled with words.
This little blog I started back in May is part of what I am supposed to be doing. After briefly mentioning mental illness and its’ effect on family and friends, I received upwards of fifty private messages or texts.
This morning, I had to ask myself why I was writing. What is my goal?
In the beginning, my writing was breathed to life by several close friends. Since then, I realize that it is much more than a challenge accepted. I have a growing audience of readers who for one reason or another keep coming back for more.
Maybe you read because you never know what you are going to get. Maybe, it’s because you see yourself in my stories and realize you aren’t alone. Maybe you think I’m bat shit crazy and are here for the ride. Regardless of your reason, you are here.
I’ve been very candid about my the relationship I have with my mother or lack thereof. I don’t regret putting this out there. My story has resonated with many. More than I could have possibly imagined. In future ramblings I will not shy away from writing in depth about mental illness. Not from a clinical or medical perspective, obviously. There is enough out there written by the “professionals.” (Well, that and I’m not a medical professional.) You will read the unadulterated truth from a daughter.
I’ve held back on certain topics, trying to be oh so careful as to not offend anyone in my ramblings. This morning, I realize that I’m more than capable of writing about topics while protecting people. If feathers get ruffled so be it. I have much to say about Christianity. I have a few warnings for Christians regarding ways that we turn people off and send them kicking and screaming the other way. Or how about how a “holier than thou complex” affects other believers? Judgmental attitudes, respecting elders, aspects of being a believer that I struggle with and so much more. Rest assured I won’t stop putting my own transgressions on display.
You will not agree with me at times. I have said it and I will say it again, you do you and I’ll do me. I’m sharing my heart and soul. You are here by choice and can leave anytime you choose. I will keep writing and someone will be reading.
Last week, I was truly struggling with topics and words to write. It happens to all of us I guess. I went to the mailbox Thursday or Friday, I can’t remember what day but I can tell you that I was in the midst of a pity party. In that little metal rectangle were two hand written letters addressed to me. Those of you who know me know that I am a big letter writer. To receive anything handwritten in the mail fills my heart with such joy. These two letters were confirmation just when I needed it. “Keep writing.” “I look forward to reading your blog everyday.” “I love your stories.” “Stay true to what you know it is what people are drawn to.”
Everyone has stuff to say, some of us are just crazy enough to put it out there for the world to read.
Keep it wonky y’all!