Once upon time there was an 8th grade history teacher who, well, marched to her own beat. Yep, you guessed it, that teacher was me.
I’ve never claimed to be conventional by any stretch of the imagination. My story, however didn’t happen in the classroom but in the 8th grade hallway between my room and the bathroom. I can’t for the life of me remember what room number I was in for 13 years. Not that it matters anyhow, just a benign detail.
It’s not a secret that I have a bladder the size of a pea. I spent the four minutes between each class running to the bathroom and back before the next group of eager students appeared. I always joked about moving to a classroom further down the hall closer to the bathroom. Looking back, that move probably should have been made. The proximity of my room to the bathroom wouldn’t have changed the outcome of this story, I’m afraid.
After bounding from the bathroom, I started my jaunt back to class as fast as my little Corgi legs would get me there. This is where the fun begins.
As I approached my class, little Corgi legs just a walkin’, Angel, the math teacher on my team was behind me. I think she had to whistle to get my attention. That whistle was probably followed by “Peters” in a holler that was specific to Angel. At some point I turned around to see what she wanted. She kept pointing to my butt. I in turn, kept spinning in circles as if I were truly a Corgi, chasing my tail. I could not for the life of me figure out what she was pointing at. One would think I would have felt the draft, however.
Unbeknownst to me, our AP was down the hall as well. He had been behind me the whole way, although quite a ways down the hall. Thank the lord! He was not however exempt from the peep show. Angel got the brunt of it though. Thankfully the hall was mostly empty of kids.
While “chasing my tail” I realized that my skirt was tucked in my underwear on one side. Yep, you heard me. MY SKIRT WAS TUCKED IN MY UNDERWEAR!
By the time Angel caught up to me, she was laughing uncontrollably, trying to pull my skirt out of my drawers. I’m sure the whole scene was quite entertaining. Hey, I’m nothing if not entertaining.
Now to the most embarrassing part of this whole ordeal. Remember I told you that our AP was behind me but down the hall quite a ways? Well, he wasn’t that far down the hall by the time I figured out what was going on. Now, he would probably tell you that I had “shown my ass” figuratively throughout the school year a time or two. In this moment, the figurative became the literal.
I distinctly recall when I looked him right in the eyes, the dress still tucked under my drawers, and me dizzy from spinning. It was the most awkward moment of my teaching career. It might be ranked in the top 5 most awkward moments of my life.
Neither one of us said a word. He turned and walked the other way. My Corgi legs took me as fast as they could, back to my classroom. I’m not sure if I pulled the underwear out or if it was Angel. She might remember. I do know by the time I got in my class, all was normal. Well, as normal as it can be with me.
I don’t think Matt or I ever spoke of the “situation.” I do know it was quite some time before I could look him in the eyes again.