Mosaic

It’s crazy that part seven of Rock Bottom falls on the first day of inservice for my Covenant family.

The “big picture” is an illusion. If you asked me this time last year what my plan for the rest of my career would be, I would’ve told you that Covenant is where I would teach full time until I couldn’t teach anymore. I could see myself teaching there for years.

God puts you right were he needs you if you follow His lead. I had experienced things in life that would allow me to relate to the kids and situations I would face last year. I was teaching history. That would be just fine. I would teach vocabulary. Ok, I could handle that. I would be teaching a Bible class. That, my friends intimidated the heck out of me. I am not well versed in scripture. I started doubting myself. I could not teach Bible. Truth is, I couldn’t but He could through me.

As the year went on, my kids and I tackled issues that you would expect. Nothing out of the ordinary. Kids are kids, no matter whether you teach at a public school or a private Christian school. I think that mindset was beneficial for me as well as my students. I wasn’t expecting them to be perfect because they were attending a Christian school. Lord knows, they weren’t getting someone who thought she was perfect for a teacher. I told them over and over that I was just a flawed individual trying to get through each day best I could.

Together we maneuvered through life for nine months. They were put in my life when I felt empty. I was put in their life when they needed tough love, humor or a shoulder to cry on.

We dealt with divorce, death, sick grandparents, self esteem and so much  more. We tackled it all from a Biblical perspective.  We were learning together.

They supported me through my daughter’s wedding, a dear friend dying, my mother’s mental illness and my own health issues toward the end of the year.

When I say the big picture is an illusion, I mean it. I thought my big picture was coming into focus with my teaching position at Covenant set in stone.

I’ve decided that our big picture is really just a mosaic made up of thousands of freezed moments in time.

bodaciousheartsquaremosaic

Towards the end of the school year, I started experiencing bouts of “wonkiness” that would not let up. I did my best, I hung in there as long as I could. I had been in this exact same place a few years ago. I knew what needed to be done but I didn’t want to accept it.

After much prayer and a lot of tears, I made the decision to resign full time. Resigning is one of those frozen moments I talked about earlier. The school year was one of those moments that make up my mosaic. I thought I started seeing the whole picture coming to fruition but I was so wrong.

God needed me for nine months, with those specific kids. I believe that with all of my heart. I needed those kids and their families for those nine months. The friendships that I made with the faculty were just what I needed. I hope that I served a purpose in all of their lives as well.

I am not going to lie. My heart is very unsettled. On the eve of the school year commencing, I’m having a hard time understanding why, after such an amazing year, the vertigo took control. I have to constantly remind myself that “it is what it is.” We aren’t promised a life free from disappointment. I have to trust that there is a plan for me. God used me in a big way last year because I followed His lead.

I’m anxious to see what He has planned for my next frozen moment.

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