Overwhelmed and Heavyhearted

Here’s the deal. The response to How Did We Let This Happen has been overwhelming. I have been replying to ladies all day long with whom this story resonated. I’m sure it struck a chord with men, most are just less apt to admit it. There are a few exceptions.

I don’t know why we don’t reach out to each other more? I don’t understand why we think “it” is only happening to us or I’m the only one that has ever thought about that. Or, surely no one else has done this. 

Maybe it’s because women in general are judgmental and just down right mean? Maybe it’s because we feel like if we sweep our dirty little secrets under the rug, surely no one will see them and they will continue believing the facade that we portray day in and day out.

WE ARE ALL FLAWED, just in different ways. I’m guilty of being a judgmental so and so but what right do I have to be one? If I told you about my high school years, most of you would probably unfollow this blog without batting an eye and never look back.

Ya know who I think are the worst about hiding their dirty little secrets? Christians. I am a believer so I feel like I can say that. If that offends you, I am truly sorry, not sorry.

Ya know who I think are some of the most judgmental folks when said “dirty little secrets” creep out from underneath the rug? Yep, again sorry, not sorry.

We have a savior on our side that forgives every dadgum transgression. Why can’t we forgive ourselves like my Jesus does? Why can’t we look past the screw ups of other women or give them a shoulder to cry on? My Jesus does.

I am by no means attempting to proselytize anyone. I told you from the beginning, you do you and I’ll do me while we attempt to strike that delicate balance of respect and acceptance between writer and reader.

Collectively, Christian or not, we as women need to practice lifting each other up.  Among us is a wealth knowledge. We have so much to learn from one another. You can’t learn from a teacher that makes you feel less than. You can’t teach anyone if you are making the student feel less than. We all have some work to do. Let’s vow to make it easier on one another.

I have been on both sides of my argument. I’ve been the mean girl. I’ve been, for lack of better words, the victim. I really don’t know what I would call the flip side of “mean girl.” I don’t really like the word victim in this scenario but it’s all I got right now. I am ashamed at how I have treated some women in the past. I am, however on a quest to change that behavior once and for all.

My heart is truly heavy this afternoon. I’ve read personal stories of hurt and shame throughout the day that ripped my heart out. I could feel the pain. The guilt. I wish I could have been that shoulder that y’all needed. Just know you can never mess up bad enough to make Jesus turn away from you. I also truly believe that you can make any marriage work if you stick with it. Neither side is blameless. I had a young woman today ask me if Stuart ever admitted to not paying attention to me all those years ago. I don’t remember and today it doesn’t really matter. My advice to that young lady, let it go. You gotta let crap go or it will gnaw a hole straight through your heart.

Guys there are going to a multitude of shit storms. You better figure out how to keep the poop off of ya! Or at least, get real good at cleaning yourself up.

Remember this picture?

Fake smiles
Don’t let the smiles fool ya.

The smiles were fake. Those picture perfect moments captured and proudly posted on Facebook and Instagram are only part of the story. We are all guilty of it! Anyone can smile for the click of a shutter while their hearts are breaking. We did. 

Share your story with other women. You never know who needs to hear it. Hold those judgmental so and sos accountable. And for goodness sake, don’t be a judgmental so and so. Lift each other up. Own the fact that you are deeply flawed and embrace it. Don’t forget to embrace the flaws in others as well.

Thank you to those of you that poured your heart out to me today. I am deeply honored. It’s hard to believe that so many read my ramblings daily and cry, reminisce or even feel comforted by my experiences. Truly an humbling experience for this ‘ole wonky girl.

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2 comments

  1. I’m glad you made it. Many times, I felt like quitting, not because anything was wrong. Just that I felt alone. I’m sure Bud felt the same way. Instead of pulling together, we were critical of each other. We were both overwhelmed. So glad we hung in there. We celebrate 48 years in August. We truly love each other now, unselfishly.

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